Weblog
06/22/03 09:34 PM: The Thousandth Post
Here it is, folks. It’s long. I think I apologize for it getting emo-ish, but maybe I don’t. This is more for me than it is for you.
So why is it important to me that this is the 1000th post? At first I had said I wasn’t so sure. However, some insightful comments from a friend opened my eyes and I realized that I knew all along why I was making it important.
Over the past two and a half years that I’ve had the weblog, things in my life have often been anything but stable. The end of high school, college applications, dealing with a mildly-annoying illness, leaving for college, family issues, and many other things all contributed to creating what has been, at times, a very hectic experience. Throughout all of that though, I’ve had this weblog. While that might sound silly, especially to those who have never had a weblog, it does mean something to me. It’s something that’s been here, somewhere that I could talk about whatever I wanted. Kind of. I’ll get back to that.
In any case, if you poke through the archives, you can follow most of the events that I mentioned above. I often myself poke through the archives as a way of remembering the whirlwind of the last two years. It’s the journal in a notebook I never had.
The inevitable question arises, what does the future hold for the weblog? Well, up until this point I have always been somewhat reluctant to really discuss my “real” thoughts here. I would write about politics or current events, but I would usually gloss over my private life. I always said I was indifferent to posting my actual feelings, but had simply decided not too because no one would be interested in that.
The truth is, I often find myself confused about what my real feelings are. Additionally, I was always concerned that posting my true thoughts would cause trouble when people I know read the website. I have decided that the second concern is irrelevant, and that I need to work on the first.
By recording my thoughts here, I am hoping that I will be better able sort things out in my own mind. Hopefully, by opening my thoughts to the world, I can better open them to myself.
With this weblog, I’m providing you with a window into my life. For those who only know me over the internet, this should provide you with a glimpse at what I do when I’m not talking with you online. For those who know me from “real life,” this will provide you with a (hopefully) better idea of who I am. You’ll have to understand what this is though, a glimpse into my life. You cannot get the whole picture of my life by reading some blurbs of text on a computer.
So back to the question of the future: Like everyone else, I don’t know what the future will hold. I don’t know what the next month, let alone the next year or five years have in store. But, this site will most likely remain in some fashion or another. It will change though, as things in my life change.
When I think back to the last year or so, and think about my general attitude towards life—I always felt like I was looking for something. I wasn’t satisfied in some way or another A restlessness, perhaps. As much as I loved my freshman year at college, I still often had this nagging feeling, “is this really it?” I never really knew what I was looking for; I had made friends, I had fun, and all of that. What else was I missing?
I think I know what I’m looking for now. Myself. Being happy with life as it is, and not worrying about the what-ifs, the what-could-have-beens, or the what will be. Life’s too short to waste worrying. As corny as all of this may sound, I mean it. To the person that has helped point me in the right direction, I am grateful. I hope you’ll keep nagging me along the way.
I don’t know when I’ll find my way there, but at least I know where I’m going. It’s impossible to get somewhere without a destination. By reading this site, you will be able to follow my journey.
And so I return to the idea that I shouldn’t be afraid to write the truth on this site. I’m going to put my thoughts out in the open, and it’s up to you as to what you will think based on them. I will try my best not to hide anything; I will attempt to be as honest as possible. This is best for both you [the reader] and me.
As such, this site exists for the purpose of documenting my own experience of this sometimes annoying, and sometimes wonderful thing called life.
Take from it what you will.
